Bah Humbug!

'tis the Holidays, I know, but I'm not feeling bright and cheery at all. I think it's a combination of cramps (I got my period for the first time in like 4 months), headache (I just realized that when I call Melvin an asshole, that I'm not just being moody and irrational. He really IS an asshole!) and generalized feeling of fu*k-it towards everything.

I worked yesterday. It was supposed to have been an easy, breezy day because it was a holiday weekend and that's how they just are. But I had a horrible day! First, I came to work tired because I only had 2 hours of sleep. Then, I spent the day helping to turn everybody in the unit. See, that's one of the downsides of not having your own busy patients. You end up just sitting there at the nurses' station, surfing the 'net , and so of course you get asked by everyone to help them with their patients. I was really tired by the end of my shift. So tired in fact that I didn't even feel like going to Tita Baby and Darryl's house for our family's Christmas get-together. Besides being tired, I just didn't want to have to interact with Melvin and his trifling ass at all so when I got home, I went straight to bed.

So what's up with all this animosity towards the one I vowed to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish from this day forward until death do us part? Well, he really has turned out to be this selfish, self-important, uncaring, insensitive, lying, perverted prick. And folks, I AM being nice. I'm going to spare him the humiliation by not fully disclosing all that he has done to earn my wrath. Just trust me when I say that he has truly pissed me off in a major way. I am sooooo pissed off that I have nothing but apathy at this point. I don't care how he feels, what he thinks, or if he takes another breath. As I see it, he is nothing to me right now but a resource. A resource to help me pay the bills and that's it. Our marriage has not reached the point when we are talking about seriously separating. Not yet. But if shit doesn't change quick, fast and a hurry, it will. Shit is so serious that the idea is in the horizon. I can see it. It is as clear as glass. It will be a sad day for him when and if it ever reaches that point. I don't even believe in it, but I pray for the man that he never gets me to that point. Sweet Jesus, please help him to not drive me to that point.